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Aquarius
(Jan 20- Feb 18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
You lie a great deal. You make the same mistake repeatedly because you
are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk. |
Pisces
(Feb 19- Mar 20) You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
followed by the F.B.I. or the C.I.A. You have minor influence on your friends
and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and
are generally a dipshit. |
Aries
(Mar 21- Apr 19) You are the pioneer type and think most people are dickheads.
You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a prick. |
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Taurus
(Apr 20- May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination
and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed.
You are nothing but a god damned communist. |
Gemini
(May 21- Jun 20) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you
because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little.
This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving
on incest.
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Cancer
(Jun 21- Jul 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's
problems which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That
is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth shit. Everybody
in prison is a Cancer. |
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Leo
(Jul 23- Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you
are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers
and spend most of their time kissing mirrors. |
Virgo
(Aug 23- Sep 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. This shit
picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and
often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps. |
Libra
(Sep 23- Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are male, you are probably a queer. Chances for employment
and monetary gain are nil. Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal
disease.
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Scorpio
(Oct 23- Nov 21) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business
and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because
of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios
are murdered. |
Sagittarius
(Nov 22- Dec 21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. Most Sagittarians are
drunks. Nixon was a Sagittarius. You are not worth the time of day. |
Capricorn
(Dec 22- Jan 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are
basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
You should kill yourself. |
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