Cave Interpretations

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance:

 1. A woman

 2. A donkey

 3. A shovel

 4. A fish

 5. A Star of David

They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings.
The President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said, "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem.
You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, indicating they were smart enough to use animals to till the soil.
The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they used tools as well. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."

The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said, "I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations.

Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and shouted,"I object! The explanation of the writings is quite simple.
Everyone knows that Hebrews don't read from left to right, but from right to left. Now, look again ...what it really says is ...
'HOLY MACKEREL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT WOMAN'."

THE SMARTER SEX

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,
"So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!  There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Men are like...

Men are like...newborn babies.
They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.

Men are like ... coffee.
The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.

Men are like ... computers.
Hard to figure out and never enough memory.

Men are like ... coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like ... chocolate bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like ... power tools.
They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.

Men are like ... remote controls.
Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

Men are like ... soap operas.
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

Men are like ... pillows.
Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.

Men are like ... horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like ... plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Wedding Dress

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white.

 

     

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Last updated on Sunday, August 29, 1999