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If God was a College Student....
1. Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips.
2. Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in larger font, they look like ten.
3. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
4. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to the Romans.
5. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
6. The place where the end of the world occurs? Not the Plains of Armageddon; rather, Finals.
7. Book of Armaments would be in there somewhere.
8. Reason why Moses and his followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
9. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirements.
10. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled and all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
Top Ten Differences Between College and Hell
10. It doesn't snow in Hell.
9. Everyone has heard of Hell.
8. It's more fun getting into Hell.
7. You can't fail out of Hell.
6. At least you can sleep in Hell.
5. Hell is forever, college just seems like it.
4. People smile in Hell.
3. You only have to sell your soul to get into Hell.
2. You know there are hot women in Hell.
1. You wouldn't tell a friend to go to college.
Why God Never Received Tenure at Any University
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a revered journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
