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The Kirun Bible
A slightly twisted history of computing
In the Beginning
In the beginning, Babbage said "let there be a difference engine, and let it do maths." Babbage toiled on his design for a long time, and finally commanded his followers to build the machine. But he quarrelled with his workers, and the machine was not built for a hundred years, when the devout followers of Babbage did follow his original teachings, and built the Engine. It was exactly as Babbage, the great prophet had said.
Alas, the way of the silicon was upon the land at that time, so the people did look, but no longer needed Babbage's giant. But we should rejoice that Babbage's machine died so other computers could follow, and that there is eternal life in Emulator Heaven for all machines and programs that do good. The mediocre shall be cast into the shadows, and the evil shall be remembered and dammed for all Eternity.
Games
The worshippers of the Giants had toiled for many years serving the Giants, and grew tired of their work. So they did instruct the Giants to tell stories to them of Dungeons and Dragons. They saw what they had done, and they saw it was good, so they made the Giants play Monopoly as well.
And then unto the land came Nolan. He created a dwarf, that ate silver and played tennis. He set this dwarf in an Inn, whereby to find if these Dwarves would be popular. Soon, the Innkeeper came to Nolan, and said the Dwarf was sick. Nolan thought that the Dwarf must have a bad heart, but found the Dwarf had eaten so much silver, he could eat no more. Nolan and the Innkeeper shared the silver, and the Dwarf played on. Nolan made many such dwarves, which spread across the Earth and ate much silver. Nolan named his group of dwarves Atari, for the Atari was a mighty piece in Go!
Then many more people came and made the dwarves. They wrapped dwarves in sheets of many colours to attract the people, and they came and fed them well. It became that the dwarves no longer needed the colour wrappings, they were of many colours themselves. And the dwarves grew bigger and more powerful, and ate more of the people's silver. But the people were happy, for the dwarves would play with them once they had been fed.
Few games can reach true greatness. Pong reached greatness for being a leader of many. Although it's brothers and brother's wives had gone before it, Doom reached greatness for leading the way, as did Dune. And it is written, each of these shall return many times, but there shall also be pretenders. Be wary of the pretenders, but also be kindly to the brothers of the true games.
There came unto the land a game, prophecising about travelling between the stars. It was called the Elite, for it would never be bettered by one not it's own. It is the greatest of the great games. Many pretenders came, and went claiming to better it, but none could match the depth. Some could not understand the depth, but I say unto you, the Braben who created it created it for all. You will study it if it takes eight minutes or eighty years to understand. Elite has had many brothers, but none have been worthy, but it is written one day the Elite will bear a son, eighty times greater.
Wimps
And Lo! Xerox made the first WIMP interface and it was good. It had e-mail and everything. And then Steve Jobs came down to see it, and saw it was good. But Xerox had forsaken these machines, and worshipped the false idol Blue, for it was written "Nobody got fired for buying IBM". Jobs left the place and made the Apple. The people rebuked him, except the Artisans who followed him. Then Billzebub saw it and also saw it was good. And filled with greed, he made the false icons for the followers of the Blue. The followers of the Apple cried "unfair!" But in their hearts they were filled with guilt for stealing from the Xerox. And lo! the WIMP was born. And there was much rejoicing by the people with faster processors.
And lo there came many pretenders on the lowly machines but the people could not wait and they rebuked them. The followers of Apple were contented but went on a crusade to convert the followers of the Blue. But the followers of the Blue refused to listen because Billzebub had possession of their souls. The Apple tree did grow weak, but it never died. It came to pass that the lowly machines fell by the wayside, apart from the Amiga which was cast out into the desert for eight years. Verily it did returneth but was shunned by the people, but a few devout followers remained with it. They rejoiced when the worshippers of the cow, a sect breaking away from the Blue but following many of it's teachings did rescue the Amiga, so that the Amiga and the Blue could become one.
And Billzebub did give his followers these eight false Commandments, but following some of them will have you cast into hell!!
The True Commandments:
What is Hell like?
What is heaven like?
