Episode 99

After much deliberation and a very heated debate, the menu for the couples only port party is set. They will start with prawn cocktails, then go with a baked, and finish with poached pears in marsala. Paddle, who's quite the gourmet, wanted to go for a very flash dinner, but thankfully Sandmans a curried sausage/steak and onion gravy man, so they met half way.

Robert was attending a staff meeting, so the others took the chance to bitch about him. Lexie asked if any one else had noticed that Robert hadn't got any mail so far, they all oohed and aahed. Then Sandman realised he hadn't got any either. Paddle asked if anyone else had noticed the discolouration in the arm pit region of the Roberts white t-shirts, they all oohed and aahed. Then Sandman realised he's got discolouration too. Paddle also said that one time he checked the soap after Robert had a shower, and it was bone dry, they all oohed and aahed. Then Sandman realised he sometimes didn't use soap either. Paddle then got his much loved bottle of soft drink out of the fridge and quite explicitly explained that some one had been sipping it. The sipping incidents started coincidentally at the same time Robert moved in, they all oohed and aahed. Then Sandman realised he was the one who stealing sips from the fizzy drink.

Episode 100

It's Saturday, 1.00 am. Sandman is lying in bed thinking about the couples only port party. Is is too late to pick someone up he wanders. He's never been any good at picking up, always has been fascinated that the handsome boys always pick up just before it's shutting time.

At 1.46 am he hears crunching and the theme music from 'Silk Stalkings', it's Ruby preparing for her journey to the morning. Sandman fills his lungs with dusty air, sneezes twice, and goes downstairs to do the 43rd most shame thing he has ever done. Sandman aches for something to chew, or knead. This comforts him. His right is swelling because once, when he was youngin', he got a tick in it. Now it flares up when he is uptight.

He makes it downstairs, "whats wrong with your eye?", asks Ruby, who is surrounded by her animals and taking baby bites at a SAO. "Ruby (clears throat) . Have you got a date for the port party." The persian sends Sands a dirty look. Shit. Did she already ask him. "No", says Ruby. "Do you wanna to go with me?". (Go Sandy!!) Ruby, shocked, says "Oh. Sandy. Well I.."...to be continued...

Episode 101

"I can't, my band is playing tonite, and we have a soundcheck at 5.30." says Ruby, in a voice that sounds like Sandy's. It's probably for the best that she said no. There are too many relationships already in the world where people are only together because they can't get anybody else. Sandy was only asking because he was desperate, but he does like Ruby though. After hanging out in the lounge room lounge enouch so that he doesn't appear dejected, Sandman goes to bed and has his other recurring dream. In this dream, Sandman is floating, and this hyenna with a furnace of coffee comes up and asks him which way it is to the mountains.

In the morning they have another inspection. One woman only lasts till the lounge room, then she hightails it out the door screaming. Another, realter comments to Paddle, who is purposly dressed really gay, that the house is very ironic. Paddle whispers to Sandy quite loudly that he would like to fill that guys eyes with sand and rub on his eyelids. At 10.15, Lenny comes charging towards the toilet, he's fifteen minutes late for his Sunday morning spew. This week he makes it. Last week, however, he didn't, and went in his room (I went in my brothers room once - I didn't go back to his house for two days. When i did, it was still there, covered with a pillow.) The week before that he only made it half way, and had an accident on his socks. The dogs cleaned up the mess.

As the real estate agents are leaving, Robert starts chatting with one of them, and the realtor laughs. This freaks Sandman out because Robert has never been funny, and Sandy gets sus as to what may be going down. At 11.00 Robert goes to pick up his girlfirend Stephanie from the train. The rest of the house mates gather in the lounge, ready for the kill. At 12 noon they're still waiting...to be continued...

Episode 102

Its Saturday morning, the night of the couples only port party. It's 12.15 and the house mates are waiting for Robert to return from the train station with his alleged girlfriend, Stephanie. Lexie wants to go to the fish markets to get some prawns for tonight. Paddle's boyfriend Rueben turns up and they have a fight, make up, and disappear into Paddles bedroom for a while. Lexie, who is getting bored waiting for Robert andStephanie, ties brightly coloured pipe cleaners into Sandman's hair, ooh, he likes that.

At 3.15, after still no Robert and Stephanie, Sandman and Lexie leave to go to the fish market. Sandy takes the opportunity of being alone with Lexie to quiz her about her new beau Lincoln. Lexie is strangely defensive, but he's persistent. He manages to squirrel out of her that he isn't actually a restaurateur, but that his jobs starts with the letter V. Lexie then flips and asks Sands who he is bringing to the couples only port party...to be continued...

Episode 103

Sandy was just put on the spot by Lexie, who asked him who he is bringing to the couples only port party tonight. Sandy says that because he is a feminist, and he thinks that couple parties are sexist, out of protest he is not bringing a date. Lexie laughs, when she does, she snorts and blows a huge snot bubble, this is her only flaw.

As they walk into the fish co-op, Sandy perves on Lexie's bum as it wobbles through her paint splattered overalls. Tip 35 for share house living, well developed buttocks are not always an advantage. Lexie's strange looks attract the attention a few people, especially because of the pieces of paisley stuck over her eyebrows - she sells paisley eyebrows, sidelevers and moustaches at the markets.

At 4.15 they return to 204 Bell Street, and Robert and Stephanie have still not turned up. at 5.00 pm, they still haven't turned up...to be continued...