Episode 94

A haggle of shiny real estate agents are gathered in front of the multi-coloured terrace, remember that its on the market. The residents of 204 are in Saturday morning mode. Sandy is in the dining room, a few bits away from completing his french toast eating marathon. Robert has gone for a run in tiny little AFL shorts (i wonder what he looks lke when he runs?). Lexie is in the shower singing, quite poorly, 'Golden Brown' by the Stragglers. Paddle is sitting very quietly in the lounge room. He had just got back from a niteclub and is emotional. Ruby is up in her room, building a spaceship.

Bigge hill is currently undergoing some gentrification. Skivvie owning, caftan wearing people are buying up property and reselling it straight away at a heaps higher price. An unsettled agent asks if he can remove the hanky on the front door. The hanky is there to deter unwelcome visits by parents. There is a sign over the hanky saying 'please put hanky on face before entering'. He asks paddle if he can take it down as it might put potential buyers off. Paddle tells him to fuck off, Sandy chuckles...to be continued...

Epsiode 95

Its 10 am on a Saturday, not the best time to be visiting Bell St. Last nites share-house-dew (empty pizza boxes, biscuit wrappers and beer cans) are strewen throughout the house. The electric hum of the stereo thats turned way up and been on for six months provides an eerie soundtrack.

The real estate agents are touring the house and they've made their way to Ruby's room. You can tell when someone enters Ruby's room because there is always a cold breeze coming from it, due to the fact that Ruby's room is a low pressure zone. Also, someone always screams when seeing her room for the first time. You'd expect to scream when you see Ruby considering she sleeps in her black velvet and white make-up gear. She does look quite dead to the untrained eye.

The big news at 204 Bell Street is that the much loved multi-coloured terrace is up for sale. Also, it's only one week to go until the couples only port party. That means that they have to wait one week until they see Roberts 'alleged" girlfriend. There is speculation among some of the housemates that Stephanie might not acutally exist, that Robert is only acting when he talks on the phone three times a week.

It took Sandman two years until he told his parents that he and Virginia broke up, he would often pretend he was talking when they were in ear shot. But they got a bit sus after she hadn't been around to the house for a couple of years.

Lexie asks Sandy if he wants to be hooked up with one of her art school friends. Sandy considers this for a while, he wouldn't mind a blind date. But he reconsiders this, it would be like having his mum cut up his steak at a restaraunt, too shame. It's OK for Lexie, she is bringing Lincoln-the-cafe-owner, he recentlty gave her a twelve hundred dollar watch, which makes Lenny think that he's got something going on the side. With a twelve hundred dollar watch, Sandy wanders what new direction Lexie is heading in...to be continued...

Its 7.00 pm kiddies and Paddle confirms that he is bringing his boyfriend Rueben to the couples only port party. Remeber Rueben? He's the one who cooked the boesch (??) which was uneatable. Candy said she couldn't eat anymore, and this made Lexie laugh. Unfortunately Lexie had a mouthful of the foul stuff and spat it all over Lenny. Lenny also confirms that his woman is coming. That just leaves Sandy and Ruby. Tip 32 for share house living - When you're isolated, you look pathetic.

Ruby's not been out of her room lately, so it's anyones guess who or what she is bringing. The more time he spends in the house with Ruby, the more Sandy likes her. He wanders if he is actually forming a mature relationship with a woman, or is it just sex. He wanders what it would be like to take a six foot goth wearing a sheer black nightie and knee high Doc Martens home to his parents in Pleasant Ave, they'd flip.

Sandy is still thinking about asking Gail, who looks like the solid woman from Birds of a Feather, to the port party. It would be good for him to turn up to the port party with a date twice his age, he'd be the centre of attention and the talking point all night. Tip 31 for share house living - One way to stay awake at a dinner party is to talk about yourself.

The housemates are all ker-flumped at the prospect of 204 being sold, they've had two inspections so far. Lenny wants to boil old belts and a cabbage in a large pot an hour before the inspectors come. This'd be OK, but it sets Ruby's animals off and seeing that Ruby is sunlight intolerant, someone else has to feed them...to be continued...

Episode 98

special live episode with LAVISH absolutely singing the tits of the theme song, PLUS a guest voice doing Jens bit PLUS not one but TWO guest voices doing Sandman...WOWWEE

Sandman asked Gail to be his date for the couples only port party, but she couldn't because her son is staying with her that night. That leaves Mr No-Bum high and dry for a date. He considers his options. He could call an escort service, go to parents without partners and pretend to be divorced, or he could ask Ruby. If he asks Ruby, she might think that Sandman wants to mount her, or that he is reall desperate. Apart from his own insecurities, Ruby might already have someone, or she may be gay.

There was nearly a fight the other day between Lenny and Robert, you see Lenny had a couple of mates around and they were in the laundry (this surprises Sandy, not that Lenny's mates were in the laundry, but that he had a laundry) and they found some old vinyl records. Paddle was parading around the house, trying to flirt with Lenny's two football mates, Tip 32 for share house living - The straighter they are, the more likely. They put on this record, right, and it was pretty rude, right, with lots of swearing and politically incorrect adult concepts, right. Robert found this very offensive and asked Lenny to take it off.Lenny said no so Robert took the record of and smashed it. Now, until very recently Lenny was a professional rugby league player, and Robert is built like a sapling in high wind, luckily Len kept his sense of humour, He said that Robert could hit him three times in the face before they start to fight...to be continued...