It's 9 am. Saturday, one week after the couples only port party, and there is a sombre mood over 204 Bell Street. The auction is about to start, Robert, who made an unsuccesful early bid, says he will bid at the auction anyways.

There have been a few nasty aftershocks from the port party. Bill, Sandman found out from Paddle, has left Candy because he is in love with Lexie. Paddle has been sleeping on the lounge all week, making life difficult for Ruby, the six foot goth, who likes to sleep all day and watch cop shows on TV all night. Paddle has also made life hard for Lexie. Nothing's right for her, she's torn. On one hand, she is having an affiar with the married Richard Zaccaria doppleganger Lincoln. On the other, she used to root Bill and we still haven't been told if he was rooting Lexie the night of the port party (me thinks he probably was, seeing that Lincoln went back to his hotel that night).

Sandman doesn't like Bill. Bill is arrogant and likes to give old people in walking frames huge wedgies. He also likes Lexie and Sandman is a bit jealous. Lexie was in Sandmans bed the other night, talking about her inner most secrets. She was wearing a jumper and some knickers, Sandman was in a skivvy and y-fronts and had a bit of Captain Happy...to be continued...

It's one minute before 204 goes up for auction and Sandman is going through the events of the week. He is up to the bit where him and Lexie were in bed in thier undies two nights ago talking about Lincoln and Bill.

Sandman, realising his undies and Lexie's undies are only one centimetre apart and that any slight twitch could unleash years of sexual tension, is excited in a tent-in-the-trousers sort of way. Lexie asks Sandman what she should do about Bill. Sandman, who is pretending to be making love to her hair, takes a while to answer. He asks her if she likes, or loves Bill. She said she loves Bill. Sandman asks if she feels guilty about rooting around with Lincoln, a married man. Lexie says she doesn't because it's the hottest sex she has ever had. She then asks Sandman what to do. Sandman, who lurves to please Lexie, tells her what she wants to hear - that she should go for it with Bill.

Lexie thanks Sandman and then leaves. Sandman' s Captain Happy goes away and he goes to sleep...to be continued...

It's 9.45 am and the Bell St auction is at 11 am.

During the week, Robert showed his conviction in bidding for 204 Bell St by getting in a building inspector who said that the house was infested with borers. That meant that if anyone tried to jack it back up to level the place out, the house would probably fall to bits. The building inspector also said that he recommended a complete demolition of the place. As he said, it took 100 years to get the way it is now so it can't be fixed in 10 minutes.

The previous day, Friday, everyone except for Robert met at the pub across the street to see if they could raise money for their own bid. Between all of them, they could only get 1500. Lenny ended up getting really drunk and got up on the pool table to do the bongo dance. This is where a bloke sways his hips causing his organ to slap against his thighs making the thump-thump noises of a bongo.

Paddle said that the other day in the bath, he overheard Stephanie talking in Vietnamese to her parents. Paddle said that from what he could pick up, she comes form old money. The Bell St tub is square, so to fully submerge your head into it requires some pretty shifty acrobatics. Luckily our Sandman is deceptively limber, and can do it.

Sandman is walking out into the front yard, he is wearing a blue shirt, brown cords and his hush puppies. Robert is wearing a smug smile. Ruby is also up, she is wearing a grass covered mohair cardigan...to be continued...

10 am, it's one hour until 204 Bell Street goes up for auction. The house mates stand divided. In one corner stand the frizzy-haired, high knee action Robert and the Vietnamese looking version of Poppy King Stephanie. In the other corner are the Munster's. Everyone, except for Lenny who is going for a surf, is going to the auction. Even Ruby has gotten out of bed 6 hours early for it. The Munster's plan to go in Sandman's Gemini. Paddle says if it's too squashy, Ruby can folded nicely and put into the boot.

Sandy is watching Lexie and Bill, they're still touching, so according to Tip 13 for share house living, there has been no rooting between them. Sandman can't see why Lexie likes Bill, he's too rough for Sandy, but maybe Lexie likes that in a man. When Bill tries to be nice, he comes off acting abrasive, like when he asks the Sandman to pass the milk he says, 'pass the milk - dickhead'. Sandman is a fragile creature.

They all leave for the auction, Stephanie and Robert in his green Saab, the rest in Sandman's Gemini. Paddle is dressed as though he is in a new romantic band, Ruby is in a black nightie and a grass covered red mohair cardigan, the Persian cat has got a leash on, Lexie's wearing paint splattered overall's and thick eye makeup that looks like two grand prix tracks, Bill is wearing a nylon shirt with a picture of a two bar heater on it, and the Sandman looks quite nice...to be continued...

It's 10 am and everyone is off to the auction. Stephanie and Robert are in his green Saab, the rest are in Sandmans Gemini. Paddle is in the front with Sandy, Lexie, Bill and Lenny are in the back. Someone smells. Sandman thinks it is probably him, he doesn't wash his clothes these days. When Sandy lived at home, his clothes smelt like frabric softener. Now they smell kind of metallic. Bill and Lexie are sniggering in the back seat at the way The Sandman is driving. Ever since he got his licence, Sandman puts his had on the T bar of his automatic gear shifter, rotating his shoulder as if he is changing gears - you get more respect when you drive a manual but it's hard to change your habits after your twenty.

204 is one of only two houses in the street that are rented out. The rest have all been done up. "Can we bid" asks Paddle out of the blue. Sandman, considering his wealth of konwledge of the real estate business, says yes. "Does that mean if Robert looks like winning we can bid to make him pay more?", Sandman says he doesn't see why not. "Can the cat drive?", says Ruby out of the blue. The persian walks over and plops itself down on Sandman's lap. "He wants to drive". The persian, as previously mentioned, doesn't take no for an answer...to be continued...